Are you fatter than your mother??

DISARMING PIES

Recently in the news there has been alot made about the awful attacks on children by dogs. Particularly certain breeds of dogs. The most recent case was of a 1 year old being mulled to death by a rottweiler. Archie-Lee Andrew Hirst was the childs name in this awful and disgusting moment. I like the majority of people am dismayed by this . But what has come from it is nothing short of lunacy. Listening to one off my favourate talk radio shows on this subject their were a great number of people screaming and shouting about how all dogs should be kept on a muzzle. Even more extreme view was that people should be banned from keeping dogs if they have children. This too me sounds like an over-reaction to quite a simple problem to deal with. In my opinion people should need to have a licence to keep dogs (of certain sizes). This licence should determine if someone has sutible knowledge of how to train a dog. Dogs are not fucking robots which should be expected to act always in a loyal, peaceful manner. To gain a dogs trust it needs to know its place in the pack order, i.e owner-family-dog. The only way you can do this is be teaching and training a dog. Having been brought up with dogs, i do have the authority to comment on this subject. It is the beer drinking, tracksuit waering, low class arseholes who couldnt spell dog let alone look after it properly which need to be banned from keeping dogs. For them a dog is an accessory, something to make their dicks look bigger! Problem is that its hanging from their heads........sorry, im ranting abit about neds and chavs. So i put this debate out there, and let you comment as how you see fit.


goodnight, im away for a swally to calm me down!:D

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

GUIDE TO GLASGOW KISSES

As the old saying goes in Scotland, Glasgows miles better! Frankly this is the greatest example of Glasweagen sarcastic humour. Why i hear you ask? Well to put it bluntly, Glasgow is the devils anus of the world, and the devil has a bad case of diarrea! For many people coming to Scotland, Glasgow seems to be the obvious destination. A city touted as having a young vibrant atmosphere, great bars and clubs, good schooling system, and being the only city in the world boasting 3 five-star football stadiums. Business in the city is growing as Scotland has a long and excellent history of invention, engineering and passion. Here are some facts that may back this arguement up.

John Logie Baird, inventor of television, transmitted the first long distance TV pictures from a room in the Central Hotel, Glasgow.

Charles Macintosh, inventor of the waterproof coat, lived and worked in Glasgow where, in 1824, he was responsible for the first commercial manufacture of the waterproof material.

Charles Rennie Mackintosh, the world-famous architect and designer, was born in Glasgow in 1868. His work can be seen in many locations in and around the city.

The list is endless, in the late 19th, early 20th century, Glasgow had the biggest dockyards in the world, where many famous liners were built. At the time it was known as Britains second city, after London of course. Before the industrial revolution Glasgow was only a small town hardly noticed in any historical documents about central Scotland. The industrial revolution lead the city to grow in population. Everybody in the city worked in the docks, or had a job connected with ship building. Then sadly, the first and second world war came, much of the population went to fight for queen and country. Leaving the docks almost none exsistant. After these wars Glasgow hadnt the means to fund much of its dock. Slowly over time, Glasgow lost its soul. Overcrowding and poor housing lead to the city's high increase of crime and poor health issuse. For the Glasgow man, he had 2 choices. One would be to find a job in a city which just couldnt provide it. Two was to turn to crime for a means of making money. As you can imagine, the city turned quickly to being known as the most ruthless place in Britain. An example of this can be taken from a letter sent into the Glasgow Evening Times 14 Mar.1930, it reads like this: 'Sir, it is depressing nowadays to take up ones paper
and read the daily catalogue of assaults and murders with knives, razors and other lethal weapons. Indeed razor slashing and stabbing are becoming so common that they appear to be accepted as part of our modern youth's recreation etc, etc '
Indeed this is a stark example of how life was in the past. Im sad to say, life hasnt changed much from then to now. If you look at any Scottish newspapers website, you will find stories of killings, gang violence, neds and slashings. Yes i understand that Glasgow has became much more cosmopolitan, but there is a disease of violent culture which is in the blood of most Glasweagens. A walk through Govan, or mostly anywhere to the east of the city, could make for a dangerous expedition. Another fact that might shock you, is that glasgow has the highest murder and violent crime rate in Europe, that also includes eastern europe. Compared to America, Glasgow comes second best just behind Detroit. Many people back in my native Glasgow will laugh or even show some signs of celebration at knowing that fact.

Now you may think i have something against Glasgow. But infact i love the city, i love the people, the atmosphrere is great! Theirs always a feeling of electricity running through you when your in Glasgow. Maybe it because im used to the crime, gangs and shit, or maybe its because no matter what problems your city has, you will always be proud to say: im a Glasgee boy, so gees yer change or a wull slash ye, ya dobber!!!

Life is just the longest possible way to die...

JUST A QUICK NOTE - back through popular demand....should i rant always!!

may i point out that this is a blog, and im not going to read over it every few seconds to check spelling mistakes. its a blog! not an english class, and quite frankly i dont care for stupid remarks about the differences between of and off. If your so worked up about it i suggest you pull your ears hard enough to remove your head from your own ass! and if your still so sad that you have to make stupid remarks about it, send me your details and ill check every piece of work you've ever done. this actually doesnt concern any of my friends, just a particular person who ive changed my opinion on completely. Let me remind people that when i write, i am writing straight out of my head. i dont check stupid spellings, i also dont really care about what im writing. i only write what i think, and how my fingers type it. the truth and whatever comes to mind. if you dont like it, or you are the queen, i have simple thing to say, feck off. i will say for last time, my blog, my thoughts, like it or hate it:) but now your reading it, so im doing something right:P

As welcome as a fart in a space-suit....

SEX, DRUGS, N' ROCK AND ROLL

Yes, today i have been a busy little bee on this blogging thing. Let me explain to you all why. basically ive had such a hectic past few weeks that i didnt want to write huge epic of a blog. I wanted to to keep it to sizable readable chunks. Whenever you are writing you should treat your work like making love with a beautiful woman:P. Always make sure that you take your time with it, never rush ahead without correcting your mistakes, dont force it out off yourself, and dont call her Margeret Thatcher when the moment comes;) oh wait, that really has nothing to do with writing.

It was my birthday on the 19th, but i decided to have my party on the 14th because it was a saturday. Of course it was in Nic Nowego, which means nothing new in polish, and is our local pub. I love the place, but its a bit sad when your on first name terms with all the staff. I kicked off the day by going to my friend Andy's house for a few beers and to play pro evo on his xbox. To my suprise i kicked his ass, so much that now im thinking off wearing mini skirt and calling myself barbara. The interesting thing about his place it that at the bottom of his block on the street you have a gang of prostitutes. How fucking lucky, if you ever needed sex you could hang over the balcony and wave a 50pln note in the air, while asking to growl at their badgers! Anyway im going a bit off topic here. So after kicking ass at pro evo we headed to NN where we had booked a couple of tables.

At first it was just me and andy, and i was beginning to feel a little nervous. Also i had to explain to a group of irish people that the tables were reserved for me, even after they had been told to move by the bar staff. Sometimes i think irish people wouldnt know which end off a blow up doll you have to blow into to inflate it! But after 10 minutes or so people started to come, first jamie, then magda and bernadetta, then everybody i knew and hoped would be there. I got some great presents, a car from berna, picture frame with pics of us from magda, some sexy boxers and a dvd from adam, a book about polish legends from michal, a groovy cigarette case from kasia, some yummy sweets from pawel and anna, and finally a cook book and vodka (of course) from gregory. i drank the vodka the next day. The night continued with more good friends like Ant, Asia Mike and Nick coming to keep up the native english speakers sides numbers up. As you can imagine i got as drunk as a skunk smelling its own fart. Ended up in a night club, even i was dancing! Yes it was my birthday so i decided to have my annual dance! All in all, it was a cracking night ill never forget, and i have to only say a big thank you to all who came an made it so!
p.s i also got a great childrens book from Ola to help me learn more polish:) a hug is in the post for that one i think!

All i want for christmas is syphilis....

THE TOP ENGLISH PARTY

To be an english teacher you must have certain qualities. The first quality and in my opinion the most important, is to be a little bit crazy. Something it has taken me years to become of course. To keep a class interested in what your talking about requires you to be interesting enough to keep their attention. My style of teaching has always been a laid back approach. None of this stricked question, question, question shit. Quite often the students themselves go way off topic and everything from conversations to full on arguements break out. Every student has their own personality and opinion, its the inclusion of these traits i try to bring out of them. Because if they discuss something they passionatly believe in, their english improves by ten fold. Of course i have students id love to smack around the face with a wet fish, but i cannot judge them for their misguided ways.


About 2 weeks ago we had our first ever christmas party for the staff at work. Earlier in the day i had been shopping with my good friend magda for some new clothes. A word of warning must be made here, never let magda loose with your credit card, she was in dream-land buying clothes with someone elses money. Though to be fair, i enjoyed the experience very much, and i badly needed new clothes. So with me dressed up in my new look fashion, i promptly headed for our school with vodka in hand. The first part of the night was quite boring really. The reason for this was the lack of alcohol in our bodies, something i was trying to correct. But in the beginning it was only me and adam who were getting our swally. All the usual suspects turned up, and with time we were cooking up a right storm. Its suprising how much more people relaxed when the boss had left. Thing were moving on with the introduction of playing american football with a water-melon, which abruptly ended with me getting a touch down in the staff room by smashing the poor old melon apart on the floor. By this time everybody had fallen into the over-indulgence of alcohol trap. So searching for new ways of fun, it was the time to teach an age old classic to the Poles, the mighty game of THUMB-WARS. With me doing my impression of an american boxing commentor, the first battle was drawn up. Mikey "the silver-fox" howard versus Magda "speed junkie" filak. The game was tense, starting with each player sizing each other up, growls could be heard, words were spoken, then the battle commenced. It was a tough affair, though mikey finally beat magda over 3 rounds. Gutted, magda went to her chair clearly in distress. Only for Anna to take her place in the final. Again the tension was as thick as a tramps sperm donation cup. Both mikey and anna had to pulled off each other, i had to break them up on many occasion. i must stress that some words said between them even made me blush. With the battle in full flow, it came down to a tie-breaker in the 3rd round. Like a scene from braveheart, the battle was full of passion, guts and determination. Though technically not very impressive. Mikey fought hard enough to be crowned the TOP ENGLISH thumb war champion. Something i expect to take off him next time...

Knowing me, Knowing you ....ahaaaaaaa

ITS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN...

Well christmas has past and we all look forward to spending the last of any money we have getting drunk and trying to dazzle our friends with our Stephen Hawkins Moonwalking impressions. Well maybe the getting drunk part most people will be doing and im the only one who will be making a fool of myself in the style of the honourable Mr Hawkins. I decided to start this blog due to a few of my friends persuading me to write down all my crazy thoughts.

I (David) came to the beautiful Krakow almost 2 years ago with who is now my ex Paulina. After quickly falling in love with the place, and making friends with just about every person in the city, i decided that i would stay the course. Im currently working as an english teacher at a private school called Top English. Which i enjoy alot, mainly because of the friends ive made there. Krakow itself is on a par with Paris, Edinburgh and Rome when it comes to culture. Though the older generation of Poles are still stuck in their ways, with the younger generation being alot more cosmopolitan in their views. As expected at this time of year it is freezing cold, enough to give you frostbite on your bollocks if your not careful. Most of my friends Natives and Poles have left Krakow to return home to their families, but i chose to stay in the city. My family can wait a little bit longer to see me, a good decision because my father and his wife are ill with that sickness and diarrea bug. So the only thing i'd get for christmas was a good case of not knowing whether to put my face in the toilet or sit on it! So this christmas i spent in my flat catching up on some much needed sleep, and of course the occasional vodka and coke.....the word occasional is proberly not the whole truth, but this is my blog and what i say may not always seem to be the whole truth. Now im waiting for the New Years Party, though i have far too many invites and not enough of me to go around!! so ill close on this blog for now, and keep you updated with all things i feel like writing in the future.

Thought of the day:- schizophrenia beats being alone