New Times, New Places

Again Christmas time is fast approaching, quicker than a lot of people may want. Well put away your decorations for the time being, well at least till you have finished reading this anyway. What can I say when it comes to the last year apart from the fact it was different to say the least. Alas I have decided to make the decision to leave the wonderful city of Krakow behind and set forth into a new adventure in the green hills of Ireland. Why such a move I hear you ask? Why not!

Leaving Poland

There is no beginning to me leaving the land of kielbasa's and piwo z sok ( something I regarded as being close to first grade devils arse water). My time in Poland was one of meeting new friends, learning new cultures and finding my place in this world which is so big yet so invariably tiny. The main thoughts that I have left with are mostly positive. Family life and friendship are of an upmost importance to the average Pole, stronger than most of which I ever experienced in my native Scotland. With this time of year you really do notice how strong it is, empathise is not only put on what you are going to buy your loved ones, but actually going out and making an effort to show your family that they are more important than what party you're going to on your weekend off. I really got the impression with the whole family being there that this was a time when love, care and devotion was shown to each other, not just opening presents, eating too much food and arguing about past mister meaners. Don't get me wrong, this happens all over the world, but this felt more about the family and less about the fat pedo bloke wearing a red suit who likes children to sit on his lap!

In Krakow I had made so many friends, mostly through teaching and working with some great people. A few from sitting at Nic Nowego's bar and chatting to random folk passing by, which was a great way of meeting interesting Poles and expats alike. Teaching in Poland brought a lot of fun into what would normally be quite a boring day of fucking about in front of the computer staring at facebook! God that site really annoys me now, as if it is the only way to find out what people are doing with their lives! Isn't it strange how living in a foreign country means you become addicted to the internet? No? Well must only be me then. Krakow is a great place to be if you like the social side of life. The key to getting the best out of it is to take everything as it comes. You will have days when you sit thinking I wish I wasn't working in fucking nowa huta at 7am in the morning and could go out for a pint. Well my friend, you just have to suck it up and get on with it. One of the biggest traps you can fall into in Krakow is being sucked into a life of nights on the bevvy getting sloshed, I tell every newbie that the only way to live in Poland is like the Poles, save your hard earned cash as much as you can. Going out every other night is fine if you have job you can turn up drunk to or you earn a huge amount of cash, but if you are just trying your best to settle into a new country then take your time. I know in the last few months I lived there, I totally disregarded this rule, and like all times when I dont listen to my own advice, I take this to the extreme. Which kinda reflected bad on me, but as I say we all live and learn.

One thing I loved about Poland was this need to go and do stuff with your free time. I learnt this quite late during my stay, in the beginning I was always happy just to sit in the flat or spend the weekends getting drunk at the local. Thankfully however I came to a feeling that I wanted to see and do more. In Scotland going for a weekend away costs a lot of money after you total up the hotels bills, travel expenses ect. But in Poland you could bugger off for the weekend to most citys and scenic parts of the country for a couple of hundred zloty's. Everything was so nearby and easily accessed that you didnt need to save up for trips ect. This is something I think has disappeared from British life. People are happy to have 1 holiday a year to some scummy part of the south Spanish seaside. They dont go out and try to look for more from life, they have become happy with a pattern that goes from work to weekends at the bar. The world is a huge place folk, move off your asses and go and see it, you only live once!

Poland can be proud of its education, or rather the attitude towards its education. It was a great honour being a teacher of a language that of which I am a native. But more over I felt proud that the people in this country were determined to get the best education possible. In the world of the UK this can be looked down upon as being negative, for example all the kids at my school who wanted to go to university were called names, teased, and looked at as if they were geeks. This is probably why I never went to Uni and dropped out of school before I got any decent grades. Luckily I have managed to get on in life, but many fellow students at my school never got out of the rut and are now living such crap lives. It was an absolute pleasure to see how many students were ambitious and driven to higher education.

Despite the positives I still have a few things that I noticed could be better, but the one thing that comes to mind is how much the country is under-achieving. I met lots of shop attendants who had bloody degrees. This of course leads to so many of Poland's brightest upping sticks and heading over-sea's. Its such a shame that a country that can produce so many gifted people loses most of its potential because of the lack of vision that the very people have for their own country. At the moment their is an older generation holding back the bright young stars of tomorrow from bringing the changes that will benefit the country into developing itself into a modern western state. First of all the should kill all the "babka's" working in government positions, those ladies should be put out to pasture, their time has come and gone, time for the new generation.

Ah Krakow, The memories will last with me forever. From my first day teaching; being thrown in a classroom and told to teach without any training what - so - ever (and I walked out 5 minutes into the lesson swearing never to teach again!). I dared live in notorious Nowa Huta for my first few months, which I loved, nothing better than chatting to the local football hooligans at 3am outside a 24hr alkohole kiosk. Falling in and out of love. Being told what a flea was by a friend who must have thought she found a new English word. Playing football on concrete parks too small for running on. BBQ's on the balcony. Drinking with good friends into the small hours of the morning only to wake up in kitche. Of course my Nic Nowego for wasting Sunday afternoons in. Discovering new places and meeting new friends. From nights in wrapped up in blankets watching Friends and little Britain cos its too cold to go outside, to arranging huge parties where passing out wont get you into trouble because your mates will drag you home, and most of all, the People of Poland. For which are truly wonderful :)

So now Im in Ireland, up north to be exact. Will this be my new adventure, or just gap before I move off to another place? I've got itchy feet already, maybe Poland, maybe South America? Who knows ;) Maybe next time, you can follow :)

A long time and alot of changes, but looking forward to the future;)

So this little blogger has been awol for a while. Mainly due to laziness, and also the fact i cant really thin of anything to blog about. The last year has been crazy, and i've had many changes in my life, some big, and some small...lets not go into details, those who know me, will know the changes. Instead of writing about my life and crap, my first article in a while will be about what i think of Poland, moreover Kraków now. I think that i have been here long enough to base a few opinions. First of all i'm gonna start with the food. I take great offense when someone has a go at British food, imagining that its all fish and chip, bacon and eggs ect. 

But come on, from a nation that is proud of Bigos, which is basically a tin of cabbage and sausage, preserved in yucky vinegar! It really does taste li

ke taking your socks off after playing a game of football, and sucking the liquid sweat out of them. Most Polish food i like, i just have an exception with this, and Polish cheese. Isn't cheese meant to be a taste of the local land (a bit like good whisky?). Why does it all taste the same? No matter what i order, its bloody gouda, and by gouda i mean, plastic immatation cheese. For a country which prides itself on not using any preservatives, this is fucked up.

So if you are thinking i'm bitching about this country, then think again, i love it here! Maybe ask me why i haven't been home to see my family in Scotland for many a year, then you might get to know the truth. 

This weekend has been Juwenalia, when the students of the city get the keys of the city. Basically to do what they want, without getting arrested. I had 2 big parties, on Thursday with my mate and his very likable friends, and Friday at a huge bash with thousands of people lighting BBQ's and drinking vast amounts of vodka listen to an open air concert. This is really what i come to love about here, the fact that new people you meet will become friends when you share fun together, and that i can hold a drink with the hardest of Poles, and that is a tough thing to do, i guess i've had good training :D

So now a new week begins, head down and look forward to where i will be next, maybe your place? maybe somewhere else, we shall see what the future brings, but the futures bright, don't you forget it;)

And no, i can't be assed correcting whatever in this article :)

The craziness of the one eyed toad

POLISH WINTERS>>>BLA! IT'S THE SUMMERS WHICH ARE DANGEROUS!!!

Well this stag has been wondering around recently, forgetting to update my blog, and deleting some of my more bizarre post's. So i might as well update you on what i have been doing, and observing. I have been working, working working. Back in May i had my Tata and his wife over for a weeks holiday. Which went down a treat and i was really chuffed to see them. Still i haven't made any arrangements to go back to Caledonia, and to be frank, i doubt i will for a long time. I'm loving it here at the moment, and with the price of travelling, coupled with the extremely expensive hotel cost's in the UK, i see no point on returning home. For those of you reading this from Scotland, i assure you when i do finally grace my land with an appearance, it will be a magnificant affair. I fully expect a gallas welcome, i'll of course be riding in the state vehicle, and if your lucky i might even throw some coppers in your direction. Bloody generous scotsman that i am, you should thank your lucky starts im not throwing shit at you. So really that's what i have been doing, now onto the GREAT Experiment.

"An experiment i heard you say?" enquired Mr Brown
"Yes dear that is correct. Now go and frenzily kill off Mrs Brown" i replied.
For the last 2 years of living here, one thing has started to bug me, how the hell do these Poles learn to spend so little money when living in one of the most expensive city's in Europe - Krakow. I never hear of people complaining they are short on money, and it seems to me that they get by on peanuts. For the last 2 years i have been living a rather lavish lifestyle. If i need something, i buy it. If im hungry, ill go to resturant. If i have bills, i'll pay them. Hmm i hear you thinking, how exactly can you fund this with no worries. Well the truth comes from the fact i have been transfering 300 pounds from Scotland every month to boost my spending habits. Which really went unnoticed by me for a long time. The shock of the matter came a couple of months ago, when a quick check of my bank statements revealled that in only one year, i had somehow managed to spend over 60,000pln!!! A true Scotsman i'm not! To make things worse, the only thing i have to show for it is a laptop, and maybe some clothes (thanks Magda). So i have made the bold decision that no more am i transferring any of my savings to Poland. That's it, no more, nic, kurwa nic!

Now here comes the tricky part. I haven't saved any money in Poland, and when it comes to summer the teaching side of life practically disappears. An average of 6 hours a week might be the best i can hope for, despite holding down to teaching jobs for 2 different schools. So im faced with a dilema, shall i stay or shall i go. Well the simple answer to that is, im keeping my ass over here. I am determind to work out a way to survive the dreaded Polish summer. So i've been coming up with plans on how im going about it. I reckon i can live of between 50 - 100pln a week after paying rent and bills. Which means i need to earn around 1000 a month, which is the shit part. The most i will earn is a pathetic 600. So somehow i have to find some extra work, washing dishes or bar-tending. Or i have to make massive cut-back on spending. And oh no god, i have even thought about giving up smoking, and only having a drink once a week!!!

So this is my first week into the experiment, and out of 100pln, i've spent 50 on buying food. Now i have enough to last me two weeks, im hoping i can save some for weekends. I'll update this blog each week with details of how im getting along, and hopefully by the end of summer, we can answer the dreaded question, of is it possible to survive through a Polish summer...

Signing out!!!

P.s I would love any tips on how to get by, so please leave your comments and suggestions! ;)

FOOD GLORIOUS FOOOOD!

Just some tip bits from your favourate guy:P

So ive been in Poland for enough time to taste every possible dish, some i love, some i hate. Whoever invented a hot cucumber soup must hung, drawn, and quartered. Cucumbers really disgust me, and eating them hot is just crazy. My favourate dish though is not pierogi....i like it but still its not number one. My favourate is Bigos, though i do think there can be some alterations made to it, i always add some really smokey and fatty bacon to compliment the cabbage. The difficult thing for me is coming from another country where the tastes are alot different. So ive decided to write down some tips on how to use polish produce best.

This is my favourate menu, and it always wows my guests:)

For starters:-

Bull mushrooms stuffed with Blue cheese and pears

Bull mushrooms (the big ones)
Blue cheese
Pears
seasoning
ok, pre-heat the oven to 180c. so the first rule in the kitchen is preparation. If everything is prepare then it saves alot of time and hassle. So get your mushrooms and prick the bottoms a few times with a fork. This serves to allow all the water out of them while they are baking. Also remember when cleaning mushrooms, never wash them, brush them with a pastry brush instead, as they take in alot of water. Once youve done that, break up the blue cheese and dice the pears into small squares. Now lay the mixture of cheese and pear into the mushrooms. I SAID lay them, dont force them or you will break the mushroom ok bitch!! Now lay them on tin foil, and place the in the oven for 20-25mins, for the last 5 mins you can turn up the heat to get a nice crisp edge on the mushrooms. Another tip is too brush them with a little butter during the cooking to glaze them. Take out of oven and woohoo, the cheese should be bubbling and nice and goey:)

For the Main Course:-

Chicken stuffed with sun-dried tomatoes on a bed of creamy mash spuds

2 Chicken Breast, trimmed( which is hard to find in Poland)
Potatoes
bacon, or something similar in polish;) MUST BE STREAKY (have lots of fat)
Sun-dried tomatoes
Spring onions....you know, the long ones....chives are also fine;)
Garlic
Coriander
Fresh double cream/or milk
butter....good butter!!
fresh olive oil.
Salad for the side

Again, pre-heat the oven this time at 200c, if your clever, you would have kept the oven on from the mushrooms. So prep again. Cut the potatoes into chunks, any size will do, but the smaller the quicker they will cook and keep them the same size so they are ready at the same time. Now with the chicken you have to make a pocket. Now this part is important, with a sharp knife (k-nife) pierce into the middle of the thin side, making sure not to go all the way through. Now listen, dont slice the breast, but slowly move the knife inside the chicken back and fourth, not cutting all the way through. Remove the knife and the initial hole should only be a couple of centimeters in length. A bit like my penis when ive been swimming in the wistula!!! Now stuff the chicken with half a clove of garlic each which has been sliced, and push in the sun-dried tomatoes. Not too much because with all food less is more, especially with sun-dried tomatoes because they have an intense flavour and can overpower the chicken. Wrap it with the bacon making sure to cover the hole. You do this because the fat in the bacon prevents the chicken going dry and chewy. Put to one side. Now bring a pan of water to boil, add salt and pepper then carefully place in the tatties (potatoes) and season again ontop. This is a rule many people dont stick too. But it is imporant to season boiled food on both side or you lose consistency with flavour. Cover and let simmer for about 20 mins. Now put a frying pan on at a high heat, leave it till it starts smoking, then add a little oil, and place the chicken breasts into the pan and give it a little shake to stop it sticking. Fry fpr 1 minute on each side, then for the last minute add some butter to give it colour and taste. Remove and place into the oven for about 15-20 minutes depending on size. So now your potatoes should be done, so empty the water, add a big nob of butter with 2 table-spoons of cream and mash the fuck out of them, add chopped chives and season with plenty of pepper and salt. Spoon the mixture onto a plate, then remove chicken and place ontop. Salad for side and garnish with chopped coriander. Yum yum, a very sexy meal for you and your partner:)

Dessert will come later when i have more time to type:P

Stand back people, youll all have a chance to get my autograph!!

DAVID MAKES HIS FIRST APPEARANCE ON TV!!

So, on friday morning i was very hungover. Id just finished a lesson at one of the companies i teach at next to the market square. As usuall my mind wasnt working properly, and random questions from my students threw me a couple of times. This was typical morning, im tired, dont really want to be anywhere apart from my bed (with certain person;) ). As i was hurrying my way home, some random guy stopped me on the street and point a camera at me. What the fuck i thought, i just want to home to my bed! Then i noticed that it was a reporter and cameraman. When i told him i didnt speak Polish, an attempt to break away, he of course asked me in perfect English if i thought that Polish people were anti-jewish. jesus i thought, have you seen the time and your asking me that kind of question! Anyway, i was a bit speachless and just said what came first to mind, i told in that in the past 2 years that i have lived here that no Polish person ive met were anti-jewish in their opinions. That this was a stereotype that as usuall was made up by people who have never expienced Polish people. I waffled on about something else i cant really remember, and said my goodbyes. I thought that they wouldnt use it, mainly because i was hungover and didnt really give a toss. But low and behold, today my first venture onto polish tv was aired:D

So now that im famous i expect to have my own dressing-room at work, there must be some fresh flowers, Food made from Gordon Ramsey, and naked ladies to serve my every needs. I also want to be called by the term, Master. Actually why stop there, the little people will call me My Holyness Mentor God.

I love you fans, yes darling ill be at the Venice Film festival, have you heard that Brad has had botox, i dont have time for that sort of baboon foolery!!!.......

A good friend will visit you in jail...a true friend will sit next to you saying "Damn we fucked up!"

HOME OF THE HONEST MEN AND BONNIE LASSIES

Well because their is really nothing to talk about from a news point of view, and the fact that im flat out working this week. I thought id follow up my Glasgow blog with one which is more close to home, Ayr. This small town situated on the Firth of Clyde, is where i spent the longest period in Scotland, 8 years in total doesnt sound too long, but because i moved around the country so much, this town became the place that i consider my true home.

The town of Ayr began really in 1197, when a castle was built besides the mouth of the river Ayr. Shortly after King William the Lion of Scotland declared Ayr as a royal burgh. One of the first legends about Ayr was that at the end of the 13th century, the English invite some of Scotlands most prominent men to a meeting in Ayr. Where they captured them, and had them hung. Typical sneaky English fuckwits! But the story doesnt end there, because after hearing of this treachory, William Wallace set fires to the barns where the English soldiers were garrisoned, and burnt them all alive. Running from the remaining soldiers, it is said that he leapt over the river Ayr to escape, though in some places the river is 50 meters wide, so im guessing he actually ran across the ford which was there, but it makes a nice story about the event.

During the middle-ages, Ayr continued to flourish with a busy port and textile industry. At one point it boasted the richest port in Scotland. With the wool trade booming during the highland clearances. All this was well and good, but like most towns in Scotland, Ayr was hit by the 100year plague, which took its toll on the busy town. In the 17th century, Oliver Cromwell built a fortress in Ayr, though in doing so, destroyed most of the oldest building ( St. Johns church) in the process. In return he gave the town money to rebuild a new parish on the banks of the river, named the Auld Kirk. Which is a beautiful place to visit, but proberably could of been better planned, As the river has eroded parts of the grave yard, and almost everytime i visited the place, i could find some piece of human bone. I started collecting them, untill i thought to myself that having a collection of dead peoples remains under my bed was not the best idea. Since ghosts scare the fuck out of me! Another fact about Ayr is that is the home of the oldest school in Scotland, Ayr Academy which was founded in 1233. This is something ive only recently came across while ive been doing my research into the South West Scotlands history, as a bit of fun really, i dont know why. I must lead a very boring life really!

Modern Ayr is the hub of South West Scotland. It has a reputation of a posh town, which is really not so true. Any venture into the town centre on a friday night would dismiss this view. Yes, Ayr, like Glasgow, has its plague of neds "running the schemes". Though unlike Glasgow there isnt a feeling of constant danger. Business is flourishing due to the wealthy people who relocate there. Summer is a really special time in Ayr, where tourists flock from around the world to see its history, and of course, how long could i wait to mention Scotlands national Bard(poet). Robert Burns was born on a farm just south of Ayr, born 1759, in a village called Alloway. This is now a rich suburb of Ayr. People from outside Ayr tend to look down on the town, and i cant blame them, around Ayr are rich hills full of coal, where many working class towns and villages founded Ayr's wealthy businessmen. From Ayr beach, you can look across the sea to see views of Arran, Cumbria, Bute and Kintyre. Many a drunken teenage night i spent drink vodka or getting stoned on the beach. Great memories of friends mucking about, football on the old racecourse, and of course swimming naked in the sea every new years eve! The last thing i will add to this blog is this... AYR AYR SUPER AYR, SUPER AYR UNITED!

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines!

A NEW YEARS EVE.....NOT DRUNK!!

Well adversity has finally fallen upon me, as you have already guessed from the title, i spent the first new years eve since i was 13 not drunk! Thats right, i was as sober as a nun when she was caught with her knickers down in the confession booth. And let me tell you this people, it aint all that bad. I mean i could never have contemplated a Saturday night without being on the piss, especially in the city with more pubs per square km than any other in europe, but to add to that i spent the one night which is as religious(in alcohol terms) to me as Gods own fart not taking a sipple. Even worse was that i wasnt going to go out at all, untill at the very last moment i was persuaded by someone very special to shift my ass. Being able to wake up the very next morning and remember exactly what i had done the previous night has given me a knew outlook on a few things. Though i am point blank refusing to give it up totally, i'd rather lick a lepars arse than that!

So ive had a really busy past week, so ive not been able to update this blog. I wont go into details about what i have been upto, some off you will know, some maybe wont. Some will know every last detail;) Thats life i guess, all ill say is that ive been very happy, it has even beaten my naked dancing on my chair to The Saw Doctors. Not much has been in the news this week which i can comment on, Kenya seems to be the biggest headline, its just another case of a corrupt African country. Too many of these countries have problems with their elections. Democracy is not the way to go there. To many so called tribal leaders all wanting a piece of the action. Im not saying that colonialism was a great thing. But Zimbabwe used to be the bread basket of Africa, now it cant feed its own people. Whatever the answer is i dont have it, and i doubt anyone out there has it too. Over the past 10 years the world has been going to pot. I recently had a debate with a student about Global Warming and "how mankind is killing the earth" what a load of fucking bollocks, and she was a raving mad tree hugger short of a few marbles! According to the U.N if the worlds average temperatures heats up by another 3c then we are all going to die. When has the U.N ever came out with anything worth noticing. Between the 14th and 16th century the world was 7c higher than today, they were growing wine in England for pete's sake! I cant wait for some good old Scottish wine! Im getting really angry thinking about the average middle class Brit, with their new carbon footprint schemes, green enviromentally friendly cars, which are only "green" if you drive them below 25mph, after that the petrol engines kick in. Dont get me started on Mr Al Gore the big fat bore! With his film which the U.K government wanted to show in schools (always best to brainwash the kids, then they can brainwash the parents) only for the law courts to step in and say no, because the facts in it were discredited by almost all scientific research. Its brainwashing people! and god, half of society has taken the bait. Hook, line and sinker! Just answer me one question, just how much more has tax increased since this bloody crap started? How will increasing fuel costs help the environment. People still drive, people still use electricity, even Al Gore the complete snore, likes his corperate flights to and from countries over the planet....ah but i forgot, he of course is paying his inflated fuel taxes...of course! So many people have been snooped by this tactic that they are forgetting the real proplems in the world, and that list is endless.
Now where's that energy saving light-bulb so i can sit on it and pretend the son shines out my ass like every other politician.